Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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