Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
