I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
