Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
