We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
