Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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