Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
