Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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