I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize