I skipped work to stalk him.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
