Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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