my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
where are my eyebrows?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
