the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
