The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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