stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've blown a few things in my day
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
