Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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