i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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