question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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