low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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