Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
