I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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