Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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