Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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