i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
