so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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