why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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