Having a random hookup so left but love u
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
