Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
