i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
