i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
