College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
