things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
