Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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