It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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