Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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