You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
