i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
