I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We smell like vodka and hangover
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