you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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