My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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