don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
