He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
