you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
