I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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