i was born a porn star she said
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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