conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
