im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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