I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
