can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
