So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
