I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
