How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
