'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
