The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
