You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
