we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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