so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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