woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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