True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
