he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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