I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
