none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
