she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
