I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
