On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
