On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
