i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
