did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
