There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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