just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
