i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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