My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
